The lateral and subversive language of the one who loves (Quarantine diary 5)
Versión en Español
"I hope to heal from you in a few days. I must stop smoking you, drinking you, thinking about you. It is possible. Following the prescriptions of morality in turn. I prescribe time, abstinence, loneliness.
Is it okay with you if I love you for just a week? It is not much, nor is it little, it is enough. In a week you can gather all the words of love that have been spoken on earth and set them on fire. I'm going to warm you with that bonfire of burned love. And also the silence. Because the best words of love are between two people who don't say anything to each other.
It should also burn, that other lateral and subversive language of the one who loves. (You know how I tell you that I love you when I say: "how hot is it", "give me water", "do you know how to drive?", "It got dark" ... Among the people, next to your people and mine, I told you "it is already late", and you knew that it said "I love you").
One more week to gather all the love of the time. To give it to you. So you can do with it what you want: save it, caress it, toss it in the garbage. It is broken, it's true. I just want a week to understand things. Because this is very much like leaving a madhouse to enter a cemetery."
And, well, this thing by Sabines is tremendous. I was very struck by that part in which he says, that other lateral and subversive language of the one he loves. It made me think that if there is a lateral and subversive language, then there has to be a frontal language and, I don't know what is the opposite of subversive, submissive, you know? Something like opressed, who knows. And if the lateral and subversive language is those daily conversations, the frontal language is those grandiose Iloveyous and Iloveyous (in Spanish I wrote tequieros and teamos, 'cause Spanish, so sorry non Spanish speakers) and the more outlandish the statements, the more frontal. If they are not submissive, the opposite of subversive is at least that goes laong with the flow or plays along with the mainstream, and that means, the more they want to get out of the ordinary, the more they follow the current.
But then the curious thing he does is to say that what is subversive is that day-to-day conversation, right? How hot it is, give me water, it's already late. Not implying that anything trivial is now love, no! But, I suppose, at times when this kind of thing is said it is worth much more than other things, more than great gestures. Although they seem trivial phrases, if you put them in the correct context, they speak of the disposition of coomitment and loving affection. When you are in that meeting, where you know that the other person does not want to be and you tell him/her that it is too late, as if it were your own concern, so that everyone present will excuse and thinks that it is your concern, but in reality it is because you know that the other person wants to go. An action so contrary to the impertinence of bombastic people who stop basketball games to ask for a marriage in the middle of the court and then they tell them no. They tell them no.
I'll stop a bit, listen, to say that neither Sabines nor I - and I have the right to speak for both of us - we have nothing against the frontal and submissive language of love, it will also have its place, but those who love every day out of vital conviction and not at the juncture, as a demonstration, they know that lateral language can go much further.
It came to my mind (perhaps this a Spanish idiom, yet you'll get it, it came to my mind) a discussion we had about old couples, those from that time when there was not much chance of divorces or choosing who to marry or anything like that. I remember that once we wondered whether there was love in these couples or what that was like, because some couples did grow old without ever wanting to separate and semes very cool with each other, but what they had didn't resemble what love seemed to us when we were young (which was much more frontal), and we were wondering if there was some tenuous and insightful secret to get love to last for a lifetime or if it had become a mere horrible habit.
This also reminded me that in my relationships I like to move away from frontal language, until now I didn't know that was what I was doing. And not that I do to avoid saying I love you in te quiero key, I do say it, but I like to invent strange words or resignify words that you forcefully remove them from the context and they can only mean "I am paying attention to you" because between two who know where they want to walk to, that is the only context in which anything can be read.
And well, this is the option that Sabines gives, it is also super anthropological, super of everyday life. And I kept thinking that, if those couples that seemed to us that had fallen into the routine, had not fallen into the routine, but had found that lateral and subversive language.
And subversive, that is what caught my attention the most in all of this, because it just in the things seemingly the most invisible and small and inconsequential, where he accommodates the greatest and the deepest.
And, in addition to love, it leaves me wondering what do I want to do with my life? In every sense but, for example, in labor terms. The success or influence that one seems to have to look for at work, the having a great position in the government or in corporations (well, corporations are not for me) or being a published author, gee, there is no place to these subversions, it is always the centrality and the greatness and not the subtle thing of the day to day.
There was my problem for a long time, I would have heard Sabines say all of this, and I would have thought, damn cheesy old man. Because when you see love from the front, even if it is to fight it, which is what I did, you don't see that when you know how to talk about love, you talk about life.
"I hope to heal from you in a few days. I must stop smoking you, drinking you, thinking about you. It is possible. Following the prescriptions of morality in turn. I prescribe time, abstinence, loneliness.
Is it okay with you if I love you for just a week? It is not much, nor is it little, it is enough. In a week you can gather all the words of love that have been spoken on earth and set them on fire. I'm going to warm you with that bonfire of burned love. And also the silence. Because the best words of love are between two people who don't say anything to each other.
It should also burn, that other lateral and subversive language of the one who loves. (You know how I tell you that I love you when I say: "how hot is it", "give me water", "do you know how to drive?", "It got dark" ... Among the people, next to your people and mine, I told you "it is already late", and you knew that it said "I love you").
One more week to gather all the love of the time. To give it to you. So you can do with it what you want: save it, caress it, toss it in the garbage. It is broken, it's true. I just want a week to understand things. Because this is very much like leaving a madhouse to enter a cemetery."
And, well, this thing by Sabines is tremendous. I was very struck by that part in which he says, that other lateral and subversive language of the one he loves. It made me think that if there is a lateral and subversive language, then there has to be a frontal language and, I don't know what is the opposite of subversive, submissive, you know? Something like opressed, who knows. And if the lateral and subversive language is those daily conversations, the frontal language is those grandiose Iloveyous and Iloveyous (in Spanish I wrote tequieros and teamos, 'cause Spanish, so sorry non Spanish speakers) and the more outlandish the statements, the more frontal. If they are not submissive, the opposite of subversive is at least that goes laong with the flow or plays along with the mainstream, and that means, the more they want to get out of the ordinary, the more they follow the current.
But then the curious thing he does is to say that what is subversive is that day-to-day conversation, right? How hot it is, give me water, it's already late. Not implying that anything trivial is now love, no! But, I suppose, at times when this kind of thing is said it is worth much more than other things, more than great gestures. Although they seem trivial phrases, if you put them in the correct context, they speak of the disposition of coomitment and loving affection. When you are in that meeting, where you know that the other person does not want to be and you tell him/her that it is too late, as if it were your own concern, so that everyone present will excuse and thinks that it is your concern, but in reality it is because you know that the other person wants to go. An action so contrary to the impertinence of bombastic people who stop basketball games to ask for a marriage in the middle of the court and then they tell them no. They tell them no.
I'll stop a bit, listen, to say that neither Sabines nor I - and I have the right to speak for both of us - we have nothing against the frontal and submissive language of love, it will also have its place, but those who love every day out of vital conviction and not at the juncture, as a demonstration, they know that lateral language can go much further.
It came to my mind (perhaps this a Spanish idiom, yet you'll get it, it came to my mind) a discussion we had about old couples, those from that time when there was not much chance of divorces or choosing who to marry or anything like that. I remember that once we wondered whether there was love in these couples or what that was like, because some couples did grow old without ever wanting to separate and semes very cool with each other, but what they had didn't resemble what love seemed to us when we were young (which was much more frontal), and we were wondering if there was some tenuous and insightful secret to get love to last for a lifetime or if it had become a mere horrible habit.
This also reminded me that in my relationships I like to move away from frontal language, until now I didn't know that was what I was doing. And not that I do to avoid saying I love you in te quiero key, I do say it, but I like to invent strange words or resignify words that you forcefully remove them from the context and they can only mean "I am paying attention to you" because between two who know where they want to walk to, that is the only context in which anything can be read.
And well, this is the option that Sabines gives, it is also super anthropological, super of everyday life. And I kept thinking that, if those couples that seemed to us that had fallen into the routine, had not fallen into the routine, but had found that lateral and subversive language.
And subversive, that is what caught my attention the most in all of this, because it just in the things seemingly the most invisible and small and inconsequential, where he accommodates the greatest and the deepest.
And, in addition to love, it leaves me wondering what do I want to do with my life? In every sense but, for example, in labor terms. The success or influence that one seems to have to look for at work, the having a great position in the government or in corporations (well, corporations are not for me) or being a published author, gee, there is no place to these subversions, it is always the centrality and the greatness and not the subtle thing of the day to day.
There was my problem for a long time, I would have heard Sabines say all of this, and I would have thought, damn cheesy old man. Because when you see love from the front, even if it is to fight it, which is what I did, you don't see that when you know how to talk about love, you talk about life.
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